The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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