Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
