That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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