im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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