Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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