We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
