I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
