alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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