I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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