I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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