Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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