in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
