Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
