What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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