there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
