Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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