apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
