I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
