her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
