I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
