This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
