Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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