But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
