Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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