I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
