I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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