He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
