i just wanna soil my oats bro
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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