i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
