I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
