sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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