Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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