She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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