i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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