shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
