new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
