then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
