OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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