i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
