..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love having hate sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
