Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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