So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
