i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
