i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
