the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
