So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
