i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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