im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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