I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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