Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
