I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
