Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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