Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have feelings that need drinking.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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