oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
