i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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