My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
