hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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