Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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