for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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