I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am one with the molecules
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
