You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
