I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
