hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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