I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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