is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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