Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
