i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
