threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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