I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I supernannyed him into submission
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
