Cold hands, warm shart.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
