I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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