We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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