She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
