You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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