btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
