i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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