her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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