She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
