I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
